SUPAPLEX

Welcome, dear readers, to a slightly delayed Big Red Timemachine. As the more perceptive of you may have noticed, we should have blasted off last week, but due to a number of strange goings-on, I was regrettably not able to do so. I don't know what is going on, but it seems that the whole Big Red HQ is working against me somehow. If my HQ was a woman, I would say she is on her period and hates my guts right now...

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KILL, KRUSH & DESTROY

Incoming inter-dimensional transmission:
Right, this should be reaching the HQ... First let me address the important people... our readers. Sorry to keep you waiting so long for a message confirming my good health. It seems that it's really hard to send and receive messages when you are not only whisked away from your own solar system and, ultimately, our galaxy, but also somehow end up in another dimension or two...

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BIOSHOCK

Hello dear readers, and welcome to another Big Red Timemachine! This is your very own Big Red Sadhonker speaking. I know some of you were expecting that Dennis would do the honors this week but, alas, he is still missing. After our super-computer, PAL 9001, managed to make him disappear completely from this dimension, I've been frantically trying to discover Dennis' whereabouts...

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THE 7TH GUEST

Is it Friday already? Time flies when you're having fun, not to mention a timemachine! If I remember correctly, last we met Dennis took you on a trip and told you about planning his revenge on me for giving him too much alcohol. It seems he somehow managed to conclude, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that I was the reason for him not feeling well after our latest bender...

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WARCRAFT: ORCS & HUMANS

Oh god, oh god, oh god! I nearly missed my chance to take you guys, my beloved readers, on another of our most excellent adventures through time. You have to understand I have been dealing with a hangover for the past 4 weeks and nothing I do seems to fix it! I do still need to talk to Sadhonker about that, because it seems like the guy really wanted to get me drunk or in a coma!

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UNCHARTED

Has it already been two weeks since our last Timemachine?! Damn, time flies when you're having fun. not to mention one drink after another in a more or less continuously fashion! So how did this drinking binge come about? Well, that is easy to explain. You see, Dennis and I were having a few problems in communicating with each other, so I thought it was high time for a team-building experience...

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COVERT OPS: NUCLEAR DAWN

Have you ever had the feeling you where thrown under the bus by one of your dearest Friends? Now, granted; Ferry and I got off on the wrong foot but still you kinda grow attached to the guy after a while. Anyway, during the last episode of our grand adventures, he clearly didn't pull any punches and put all the blame of the explosion I heard last time on no one else but little ol' me!

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EVIL DEAD: REGENERATION

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to yet another rendition of our super-awesome Big Red Timemachine. As you may or may not have read, the last time we met, there was a giant explosion deep in the bowels of our super secret Big Red HQ. Now, I'm not saying that I had absolutely nothing to do with it, but I would like to stress that this explosion was not, strictly speaking, all my fault.

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FULL THROTTLE

We're back for a brand new Big Red Timemachine! After some confusion as to how Raymond "Mighty Pirate" Dumee made his way into our Big Red HQ, we are now ready to blast off, once again, towards the glorious past of gaming. Join us and prepare to be amazed!

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THE SETTLERS II: VENI, VIDI, VICI

Startling news, ladies and gentlemen! There has been a break-in at the Big Red Timemachine!!! You may have noticed we are one week overdue with this next episode of our time adventure, and now you know the reason why! Join us as we go live to the scene of the crime!

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EARTHWORM JIM

Welcome, dear friends, to another episode of the Big Red Timemachine! I am happy to report that things around here are still going swimmingly and neither Dennis nor I have felt the urge to physically hurt each other, so that has to count for something, doesn’t it? When we last met, you might remember that Dennis was ecstatic when I showed up at our super secret HQ in the company of a certain someone of the female persuasion. And, rightly so, he should have been! For I was in the company of none other than the incomparable Ali Larter!

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CHRONO TRIGGER

Hello my dear friends! Finally, the time has come. "What time?" you may ask... well the time to take all of you on another grand adventure! This brand new Big Red Timemachine couldn't come soon enough as far as I'm concerned!

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PORTAL

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the very first official Big Red Timemachine of 2017! I, Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams will be your host today on this journey through time and space. My esteemed colleague, Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers and I have, as you may have read, settled our differences and decided that it was about time we worked together instead of against one another, which has resulted in a much more easy-going atmosphere in our brand new Big Red HQ...

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BIG RED RETURN: THEY'RE BAAAAAAAACK!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard correctly; Dennis and Ferry, our heroic time travellers, are back! After their mysterious disappearance, we were somewhat worried that they would inadvertently destroy our universe at some point. Luckily, it seems thay didn't, and that we've made another narrow escape yet again! So, we will now turn you over to the idiots geniuses themselves and see what they have to say for themselves!

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BIG RED CRISIS: SCIENTIST MEETING REPORT

Terrible news, ladies and gentlemen - boys and girls! After the mysterious disappearance and the alarming last messages we managed to recover from both Ferry and Dennis, we can only assume that the Big Red Timemachine is gone for good this time. On new Year's Eve, our Timemachine page even started glitching and has now vanished altogether! Our technical staff is doing absolutely everything they can to retrieve this data, but for now, it seems that all previous Big Red Timemachine reviews have vanished without a trace...

We can only assume that, in their efforts to one-up each other, the guys have managed to transport themselves to a place that exists outside of the normal space-time continuum. We managed to recover one single mysterious image (shown above) from the Big Red HQ's databanks before they also went haywire and shorted out completely, emitting nothing but an extremely underwhelming puff of smoke...

Will we ever see our dynamic duo again, or is this really the end for the Big Red Timemachine? Time to call a meeting with some of the top people in their respective fields!

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TIME CRISIS

Unfortunate news, ladies and gentlemen. It is with a heavy heart that we have to report that there still has been no sign of the Big Red Timemachine, and its occupants: Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers and Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams. Our technical staff has been working around the clock for these past two weeks to restore even the most simple form of contact. We have since learned that smoke signals don't do a whole lot.

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DUKE NUKEM 3D

In this week's thrilling episode of the Big Red Timemachine, the conflict between Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams and Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers reaches a new high. Will they both manage to calm the hell down and finally settle their differences, or will they cause the downfall of the entire known universe by staying as pig-headed as we expect them to stay?

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HOME ALONE

The Big Red Timemachine is ready to blast off once again, in search of great games from times past. At the helm today is Dennis 'CallMeBackdraft' Aspers, and he is more than ready to take you guys and girls on a trip into the past. So let's join him and see where the journey leads us! 3... 2... 1... All systems to maximum capacity... Blast off!

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TIMESPLITTERS: FUTURE PERFECT

This week, we set off to look for a game that uses the same basic mechanic as we do: time travel! Join Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams as he delves deep into the mysterious Timesplitters universe and tries to unravel the mysteries surrounding the theft of his beloved He-Man figurine. Join us for another thrilling episode of the Big Red Timemachine!

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LEMMINGS

After the loss of his He-Man figurine, Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams has never quite been the same... So now, it's up to our brave Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers to take you, guys and girls, on a trip down memory lane. Will he find the game he is looking for and, more importantly, will he find out what the hell is wrong with Ferry? Let's find out!

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FIGHTING FORCE

Things seem to have calmed down quite a bit at the Big Red Timemachine HQ. Ferry and Dennis are no longer at eachother's throats all of the time and even managed to form some sort of working relationship that appears to be mutually benificial for the both of them. Let's see what our dynamic duo is up to this time, shall we?

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DINO CRISIS

Our dynamic duo made it safely back home after their last, almost disastrous, trip into the past. Having just gotten back, Dennis longed for another trip into the past and left for a close-up look at (and a little good-old revenge on) dinosaurs. So let's blast off towards 1999 and see how he does!

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GOD OF WAR

After a long period of absence, our Big Red Timemachine is finally back where it should be! Ferry and Dennis are fine and apart from some minor bruising they seemed to have no serious injuries. Physical injuries, that is... we can’t really tell if they’re mentally stable yet. Or, for that matter, if they ever have been...

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POKÉMON: RED & BLUE

Okay, just to get this out there and without meaning any disrespect to the Big Red leader of this marvelous place, Lord Sadhonker. But who the hell thinks a boiler room is an appropriate place to make an office, especially since the guy likes to keep the Headquarters temperatures hotter than the deepest places found in hell!

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WILLIAM SHATNER'S TEKWAR

Today, we're going to search for one of gaming history's hidden gems. I'm certain that a lot of you have played this game and (as I did) loved it to pieces! We're looking for a First person shooter that sprung from the mind of one of the most impressive spaceship captains in history.. Give it up for William Shatner's Tekwar!

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TOMB RAIDER

In this brand new edition of the Big Red Timemachine, we'll discover what happened to Dennis after Ferry came after him with a shotgun. We will also go on an adventure through time, through a jungle and through a number of ruins and temples. Come with us, back to 1996 and play with Lara Croft... Wait, that didn't come out right!

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HOMEWORLD

This week, it's not Sadhonker who's at the controls of the Big Red Timemachine. No sir, it's DumeeGamer's very own Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers. Seemingly, he wanted to take out the Timemachine for a spin himself, but Sadhonker wouldn't let him so Dennis took measures into his own hands. Oh boys, will you ever learn that this can only end in tears!

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SECRET FILES: TUNGUSKA

Can anyone tell me what the hell happened here?! Here I am, looking at my Big Red Timemachine HQ, only, this isn’t my HQ. What’s with all the glittery stuff lying around the place? And where the hell are my robot servants?! I can’t even leave this place for a few days without someone coming in and buggering it all up!

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VIVA PIÑATA

Welcome readers, to a very special episode of the Big Red Timemachine. Seeing as how Ferry “Sadhonker” Adams is not here at the moment, I, Diana “DumeeGamer” Dumee will take you on this week’s trip through time. And what a fun time we will have, filled with colorful and happy Paper Mache animals!

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DOOM

Yes ladies and gentlemen, sometimes I manage to surprise myself. While browsing my previous timemachine reviews, I noticed that a game was missing that I played for hours on end. So why isn’t it on the list? I actually couldn’t tell you. I think it must have escaped my attention somehow...

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ENSLAVED: ODYSSEY TO THE WEST

Today, I'm breaking my own rule. Well, not so much breaking it as bending it a bit. But hey, when you're the master of time and space, normal rules don't apply to you, do they now? Anyhow, get ready for another journey in search of amazing games from the past!

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FLASHBACK

I would like to apologize upfront if today’s Big Red Timemachine seems a little shorter than you’re used to. It’s just that I’m so very, very tired, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. You may remember from when we last met, that I had assembled the single-most kick-ass crew in the known universe. And although I am very proud to work with these guys, I have decided to let them go.

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ALONE IN THE DARK: THE NEW NIGHTMARE

HAHAAAAA, we’re back! And this time, we’re on time! This is mostly due to the fact that I once more fired my entire crew and hired a new one. And not just any crew; I’ve attained the services of one of the finest crews this planet has to offer: Richard Dean Anderson, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, Michael Dudikoff and Bruce Campbell!

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DIABLO

This week, our Big Red Timemachine descends into the fiery pits of Hell to do battle with the Lord of Terror (and all his minions along the way. So fasten your seatbelts, make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position and keep your arms and legs within the vehicle at all times. ready...? Blastoff!

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EVIL DEAD: A FISTFUL OF BOOMSTICK

Rejoice, the Big Red Timemachine has returned! After a two week wait it has finally come back to us, slightly battered and definitely worse for wear than when it left. Hmmm, I wonder what happened to it? Are... are those zombie heads nailed to the hull?! Let's ask DumeeGamer's Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams what the hell happened, shall we?

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ŌKAMI

Due to the absence of the Big Red Timemachine's fearless leader, Ferry, it's up to DumeeGamer's own Diana to take on the task of leading you on a journey into gaming's past and regale you with tales of bravery, a cute wolf and... a paintbrush?

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GEARS OF WAR

The Big Red Timemachine makes its first voyage in 2016! And what a voyage it is, ladies and gentlemen. Quickly we find ourselves knee-deep in murderous aliens called the Locust Horde. Luckily, we have an awesome gun with a chainsaw bayonet!

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CLIVE BARKER'S UNDYING

Today we blast off toward 2001 in search for a game that even managed to make our own Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams feel uncomfortable... and that's no mean feat! So come with us and let's have a look at Clive Barker's Undying.

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HELLGATE: LONDON

What's about eight years old, riddled with bugs, while still being one of the coolest games ever? Hellgate: London of course. Yes, I know, you may have already guessed as much when reading the above title, but I just don't care. I've got some demons to slay!

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NIGHTMARE CREATURES

This week, we immerse ourselves in the 19th century gothic horrors of Victorian London. We battle the forces of evil and the Brotherhood of Hecate, whose occult antics have the citizens of London in a constant state of fright and despair...

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SHOGO: MOBILE ARMOR DIVISION

It's time to be awesome! Just imagine; you, towering over everything and everyone, striking fear into the hearts of your enemies in your huge BATTLE MECH! This week, we travel back in time to replay this one of a kind First Person Shooter. Who's with me?!

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BROKEN SWORD: SHADOW OF THE TEMPLARS

Ah, a quaint little Parisian Café on a sunny day. Is there anything more perfect than this?! Accept for that clown over there, he's kind of irritating. But what the hell, as long as he doesn't wreck my vacation, it's no skin off my back. Hey, why is he... BOOOOOM!

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MEGARACE

Hello Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet a close personal friend of mine: The incomparable Lance Boyle; funny man extraordinaire and host of that wonderfully violent TV show: Megarace! So let's have a look at this high octane game and try not to become roadkill!

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CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT

Let's take a look at arguably one of the best games in the Castlevania franchise. A game that set the benchmark for all following titles and opened up an entirely new side to platform gaming to players worldwide. It's time to dust off our old Playstation or Sega Saturn and play Castlevania: Symphony of the Night!

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RESIDENT EVIL 4

Hmm... a rural village somewhere in Europe, a mysterious cult infecting people with a strange parasite... this sounds like trouble! Lucky for us, we've got Leon Kennedy to save the day. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this week's Big Red Timemachine is all about the game that changed the face of an entire series... meet: Resident Evil 4!

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DARKWATCH

Another two weeks have passed, so it’s time for another Big Red Timemachine. Although it probably won’t measure up to al the awesomeness we saw at GamesCom 2015, I decided to give it a shot anyway! So bare with me as we once again travel through time, in search of some of the coolest games ever!

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MDK

Imagine being the janitor on a space station. No, don't get too excited, this is not about Space quest. No, this is about something else entirely. In fact, it couldn't be less alike that game. Because aside from being the janitor, you are also mankind's last line of defense against an invading alien race!

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QUARANTINE

2043... Mankind is in a downward spiral. Half of the popultaion have gone mad and violence and bloodshed are a daily occurence. At least, in KEMO City it is. So it's your task to drive people around town in your cab while trying not to get killed. Let's get ready for some good old vehicular combat!

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THIEF: THE DARK PROJECT

Creep through the shadows, dispatching your enemies one by one, without being seen. That is the premise of the game we have set our eyes on this week. Also, our very own Sadhonker has stopped talking to imaginary people and has been released from custody. So all in all, a great week! So let's sneak, steal and incapacitate to our hearts content in Thief: The Dark Project!

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THE LEGEND OF ZELDA

Due to the absence of our very own Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams, this weeks' Big Red Timemachine is brought to you by Diana "DumeeGamer" Dumee. She has sent our somewhat confused time-travel crew on a two week vacation and valiantly travels back into time all by herself to tell you all about one of her all-time favorite games: The Legend of Zelda.

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SANITARIUM

Come with us and take a trip to the dark side of the human mind. A place where dreams and reality collide and nothing is what it seems. Join Max as he tries to unravel the secrets of his past and escape this insane world he's trapped in. Sanitarium, anyone?

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MAD DOG MCCREE

Howdy stranger... I don't know if you've noticed, but our town has been taken over by outlaws, led by the nefarious Mad Dog McCree. So basically, we're up shit creek without a paddle... There's only one person that can help us now, and that one person is you!

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TOONSTRUCK

Imagine yourself being magically whisked away to a strange yet wonderful 2D cartoon land. Once there, you meet an old friend that tells you the whole kingdom is in danger and you're the only one who can save it... Pretty neat huh? If you want to find out what this feels like, we have the perfect opportunity for you...

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COMMANDOS: BEHIND ENEMY LINES

Journey back with us today, to WWII... Well, technically, we're only going back as far as 1998, but we'll play a game that's set in WWII... close enough! Fight your way through war-torn europe and Africa. You are an elite team of specialists, the best of the best... You are Commandos.

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BARBARIAN

Beads of sweat, gleaming muscles, the clanging of steel on steel. You size up your opponent and launch into a quick succession of strikes. Suddenly, he starts a counter attack and you're forced to defend with all your might. Your muscles start to ache, sweat drips down your face. Then you see it; a small opening in your opponents defence! You quickly turn and sever his head from his shoulders. Does this sound like fun? Then come with us and play BARBARIAN!

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WOLFENSTEIN 3D

Dark times... the Nazi empire is setting its sights on world domination. There is only one man who can stop them... wait, what's that? Steven Seagal?! Weeeell, probably. But I wasn't talking about him. Sorry? Chuck Norris?! Yes, he could definitely do it, but he's also not who I'm talking about. Who? Oh come on, now you're just being silly. No! now shut up and go away! I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, but we have a bunch of new interns at the time travelling institute, and frankly, they're all morons! So where was I? Dark times, Nazis, yadeyade... Oh yes! Ahem... There's only ONE man who can save the world from this Nazi scum: B.J. Blazkowicz!
It's time to save the world... It's time for Wolfenstein 3D!

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BLACK

You know, when I first took this job, they told me that this position would only be temporary, and that eventually, when the time was right, I would be moved up to news which is really my forte. eeehm... sorry, wrong movie! But hey, that's what you get when you're playing a first-class action shooter that looks and feels like a first-class action movie! So join me for a thrilling game of Black!

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THE LOST VIKINGS

Imagine being three vikings... I know it's hard, but try. Got it? good! Now imagine being kidnapped by an evil alien emperor and beamed aboard his spaceship. come on, bear with me on this one. I promise it's gonna be good! ready? wait for it... wait for it... waaaaiiiit for it! BOOM! Now you're ready to play The Lost Vikings

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BLADE RUNNER

Let's fire up the engines and blast off towards 1997; the year of fun, friends and fantastic games! One of these games is a masterpiece of its time. Action, excitement and mystery all rolled into one game. So without further ado, may I present: Blade Runner!

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PITFALL: THE LOST EXPEDITION

Uncover the mysteries of a dense Peruvian jungle, thwart the diabolical plans of an evil treasure hunter, survive attacks from everything the jungle can throw at you and try to sweep a girl off her feet at the same time. This sounds like a job for a hero... this sounds like a job for... Pitfall Harry. It's time for Pitfall: The Lost Expedition!

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SHENMUE

Aaaaaand... we're back! a new year, a new edition of the Big Red Timemachine, and a brand new time-travelling crew. After initially refusing to leave the year 1996, our old crew eventually got tired of said year, and returned home. After a good talking-to, they were sent on their way... never to be seen or heard from again... Not quite unlike this week's game series. So ladies and gentlemen, sit back, relax and play... SHENMUE!

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RESIDENT EVIL

Don't you just hate it when your staff doesn't seem to listen to a word you say?! If our time travelling crew ever makes it back here alive, I will personally kill them until they die of it! I mean come on, disobeying an order once is bad enough. Doing it twice in 4 weeks is starting to look more like a mutiny. Well, if it's a mutiny they want, a mutiny they will get. A serious ass-whooping will be delivered upon their return, and that's a promise.

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DISCWORLD II: MISSING PRESUMED...?!

See the giant space turtle named A'Tuin, floating through the vastness of space carrying four huge elephants on his back. These elephants, in turn, carry a planet on their backs that's in the shape of a disc. It's a magical planet, filled with wondrous things. It's a place where there's actually such a thing as rimwards and hubwards. It's the Discworld... and things seem to have taken a turn for the ludicrous!

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TWISTED METAL 2

My name is Calypso. Exactly one year ago on Christmas Eve, my Twisted Metal contest destroyed the City of Angels. Down below, life has come to a halt, as survivors struggled to stay alive... Sound familair? It should! Fasten your seatbelts and arm your rockets. It's time for Twisted Metal 2!

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CRUSADER NO REMORSE & NO REGRET

Earth has deteriorated into a mass-consuming orb of greed. Economies around the globe collapse. Out of their ashes arise a number of huge conglomerates that eventually merge into one mega conglomerate called World Economic Consortium. The World Economic Consortium or WEC for short, controls everything on our once green planet. Our thoughts, our actions, our lives. It's time to win our freedom back. It's time for a rebellion. It's time for: Crusader!

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BLACKTHORNE

I'd like to start this brand new Big Red Timemachine by asking you a question; What were you doing in 1994? Now, take your time to think about this, I know it's a very long time ago. Some of you might have still been just the glint in your mother's eye, while others were struggling with the eternal question of what exactly to do with the opposite sex...

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COMMANDER KEEN

Once every now and then, a star is born. Usually we don't get to witness this from up close. This is not the case however, with this series of games that thrilled gamers worldwide and transported them to a world where everyone can be the hero. Even brainy eight year old boys with large helmets...

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PSYCHONAUTS

Enter the timemachine, close the door, fasten your seatbelts, set the dial and hit the big red button. WHOOOOSSHHH... and it's 2005. You look down at your hands and see a PS2 controller, a XBox controller or a mouse and a keyboard have magically appeared there. You look up at your screen and crack a smile when you see a familiar image. It's time for Psychonauts!

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DAY OF THE TENTACLE

The year is 1993. You, Bernard Bernouilli just got a message from dr. Fred, saying that purple tentacle turned evil after drinking toxic waste and plans to take over the world. You and your two friends, Hoagie and Laverne must stop Purple tentacle at all costs, or humanity is doomed.

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