big red timemachine;;missing;;scientist;;report DumeeGamer.com Terrible news, ladies and gentlemen - boys and girls! After the mysterious disappearance and the alarming last messages we managed to recover from both Ferry and Dennis, we can only assume that the Big Red Timemachine is gone for good this time. On new Year's Eve, our Timemachine page even started glitching and has now vanished altogether!

BIG RED CRISIS: SCIENTIST MEETING REPORT

By DumeeGamer.com on January 2, 2017

*** BIG RED TIMEMACHINE SCIENTIST MEETING REPORT – START OF TRANSCRIPT***

*** TOP SECRET!!! ***

*** ...NO REALLY! ***

*** YES PRISCILLA, THAT MEANS YOU CAN'T LOOK!!! ***

Persons present: Diana Dumee, Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, Al Pacino, President-elect Donald Trump, The Doom Guy, MCPON John 117.

Goal of meeting: Determining consequences of mysterious disappearance of Big Red Timemachine and occupants – Dennis “CallMeBackdraft” Aspers and Ferry “Sadhonker” Adams and any eventual cataclysmic events originating from said disappearance.

Requirements for meeting: A in-depth understanding of time-space technology, a cool personality and FREE LUNCHES!

DIANA:
Thank you very much for coming over, this meeting was conceived about two weeks ago in order to sort of clear the air, draw a line under the episode but also talk about some of the issues that I know you are very concerned about. First thing I would like to say is that I am profoundly deeply sorry about the incident that took place and I want to apologize to all of you and the Big Red Timemachine crew. I did already apologize to them, upon which they said I was the first person to apologize to them in all the time they worked for this company. I am desperately sorry, not only because obviously the last four weeks of hell for all of us and our families but also because I recognize the mistake that I made, will never ever happen again.

I dabbled a bit in time travel myself and was a member of the uniformed service, which brings me on to the second point that I wanted to make, having sort of emphasized the apology for the panel. My second point, if you would indulge me is: “Who is really to blame for this monumental cock-up?!”

TRUMP:
The Mexicans?!

DIANA:
Donald, could you please shut up? Why the hell are you here anyway?! I sure as hell didn’t invite you...

TRUMP:
The door was open... Maybe you should have built a wall!

DIANA:
Will somebody please get that guy out of here? ANYONE?!

NORRIS:
*** round-house kicks Donald Trump through the door ***

DIANA:
Chuck, I know you mean well, but do you think you could open the door first, next time? We’re short on doors as it is!

NORRIS:
*** blushes ***
Okay... would it help if I said I was really, really, REALLY sorry?

DIANA:
Alright Chuck, sit down. You’re forgiven.

NORRIS:
Oh joy!

DIANA:
Now that that has been dealt with, let’s move on to more pressing matters... Yes Steven?

SEAGAL:
I have a very pressing matter that I would like to present to this committee...

DIANA:
Yes?

SEAGAL:
May I use the bathroom?

DIANA:
*** sighs ***
Sure Steve, go ahead. Does anyone else need to use the bathroom before we go on?

*** everybody raises hand ***

DIANA:
Alright, this meeting is adjourned for 10 minutes!

***END OF TRANSCRIPT ***

*** RESUMING TRANSCRIPT ***

DIANA:
Now That everybody who is not welcome has been ejected from this meeting and all other parties have relieved themselves, let us continue. We still have some very important questions that need answering. I believe mister Doom Guy has some of the answers on what transpired 4 weeks ago.

GUY:
Thank you miss Chairman, What seems to have happened is that our “esteemed” colleagues have gathered a lot of hardware the past few months, which they consequently used to create two of the most awesome machines man has ever seen. The sad part about it is though, they used those machines not for the greater good instead they used it for, what seems like a matter of protecting themselves against eachother.

DIANA:
Could someone elaborate on the working of said machines?

PACINO:
Well I probably know what their lines where at the end

DIANA:
I have no clue what this has to do with the current situation, but please do continue, Al.

PACINO:
“Say hello to my little friend!!”
*** stands up and unzips fly ***

EASTWOOD:
FOR GOD'S SAKE, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS AL!!! We have no need to get traumatized even more!

DIANA:
ARE YOU GUYS DONE?!?! Alright! MCPON John 117, could you give us more insight please?

117:
Of course I can... and I will. It would seem that Mr. Aspers has created a miniature black hole and on the other hand Mr. Adams has created something he referred to as a “Time vortex Doohickey”. On their own these devices are mostly harmless and would not even cause a piece of burnt toast, however together it would seem they managed to create a rift in the time space continuum. Which, to our calculations, could only have transpired due to a freak turn of events. I believe Doom guy has the information on these events.

GUY:
Thank you Master Chief, if a may miss Chairman ?

DIANA:
Of course, please continue.

GUY:
It would seem, looking at the still remaining and quickly fleeting raw data, that Mr Adams released the energy beam of his “Time vortex Doohickey” and in order to protect himself Mr Aspers threw his Miniature Black hole into the oncoming beam. What transipired afterwards can only be described as being “shit outta luck”. To explain what happened I would like to show you an artists impression on the following slides...

117:
DOOM!!!!

GUY:
What?!?

117:
You’re not even an artist and you sure as hell don’t leave a lasting impression... Just get on with it, will you?

GUY:
Miss Chairman?

DIANA:
I cannot take sides in this matter. However, I am sorry to inform you that, due to the lack of time I just cannot allow any slides at this point in time. Please explain it to the best of your ability without them.

GUY:
AAWWHHHHH...

DIANA/117:
GET ON WITH IT!!!

GUY:
*** puts slides away, looking slightly sad ***
It would seem that the beam of Mr. Adams’ Time Vortex Doohickey hit a spot, which is located exactly 0.003 nanometers right next to the core of Mr. Aspers’ Miniature Black Hole. This resulted in the Black Hole’s singularity being struck, after which it quickly expanded and formed into a Ultra-Super-Massive Black Hole. Usually, an object of this size would encompass our entire galaxy, but due to the fact that these two bozos have no clue what they’re doing our esteemed colleagues might have made a slight miscalculation, instead of expanding into our universe, it seems to have expanded into a universe as of yet unknown.

SEAGAL:
So you’re saying we’re all safe?

GUY:
Though it might be a bit early to say this with 100% certainty, it would seem so at the moment...

SEAGAL:
Great! Well, I’m off now, bye bye then!

PACINO:
But we haven’t even had our free lunch yet!

SEAGAL:
Damn...
*** sits down grudgingly ***
Oh, alright then.

117:
Although it seems we, in this universe, are completely safe. However, because all of our data keeps getting corrupted and more and more of it is lost forever, I am not sure about the fate of neighboring universes...universen?

PACINO:
Universi?

NORRIS:
Universa?

POTTER:
Alohamora?

DIANA:
Harry, where the hell did you come from?! Get on your broomstick and get the hell out of here, before I open up a can of Avada Kedavra on your ass!

*** Harry starts crying and leaves. Trump sticks head around door frame ***

TRUMP:
Universwall?

*** MCPON John 117 shoots Trump in the face with a Needler ***

DIANA:
Thank you John... So, to recap: We don’t know what exactly happened or what is still going to happen. We have no way of establishing contact with the Big Red Timemachine and its occupants, so we don’t know where they are. Let me ask you this one final question, gentlemen: What exactly DO we know?

SEAGAL:
Lunch is ready?

DIANA:
*** sighs very, very deeply ***
...Yes Steven; lunch is ready.

GUY/117:
We’re sorry Diana, we are not even sure if Mr. Adams and Mr. Aspers are even still alive… But, more importantly; where is that lunch?

DIANA:
*** Brings down chairman’s hammer with more force than is strictly nessecary ***
Meeting adjourned!



*** END OF TRANSCRIPT ***

*** NO REALLY, WE’RE OUT FOR LUNCH ***

*** YES WE KNOW IT’S EXCITING, BUT THIS REALLY IS THE END ***

*** MAYBE EVEN LITERALLY... ***


BIG RED CRISIS: SCIENTIST MEETING REPORT