STAR WARS: THE FORCE UNLEASHED
By Ferry "Sadhonker" Adams on May 29, 2020
No Donald, really, you have to go! Why? Because you've ruined our party two weeks ago. What? Oh come on; that's not fake news, that is a fact! Yes, yes, I know you have a hard time distinguishing between the two, but would you just kindly get the hell out of here. Why? Because my patience is really beginning to wear thin! How thin? Well, about as thin as the plot of any episode of the Bold and the Beautiful, that's how thin! You love that show? Well, you would, wouldn't you? Now get out of here, before I do something you are going to regret for the very short rest of your puny existence!
Oh, I'm so sorry, dear readers, but I had to get rid of a very devious saboteur that ruined our awesome shindig the last time we spoke. I mean, come on, the nerve of that, for lack of a better word, guy! We throw him out two weeks ago and he just keeps coming back, blaming China, the press, some guy that sells pizza's and generally most of the free world for ruining our party. When you face him with the reality, which is that he single-handedly screwed us out of a perfectly good chance to see the Bee Gees live in action, he just throws a childish tantrum and starts yelling "Fake News!"
Oh, for the love of God! Will you finally get lost already! That's it! Remember, you brought this on yourself! HQ, please execute sub-routine 2358-Alpha-Beta-Zeta Slash 66! Now, Donald, if you would kindly stand over here? Yes, in that spotlight would be just fine. bye Donald! Oh trust me; you WILL be going now.
Again, apologies for the interruption, ladies and gentlemen, but this had to be taken care of right away. I mean, there's only so much utter nonsense a guy can take, am I right? If he had kept on bugging me for another minute, I couldn't be held accountable for my actions anymore! I would have to unleash the full force of my fury on his orange-tanned ass! Hey, wait a minute. a force. unleashed. Right! All aboard, dear guests. Please strap yourselves in and get ready to blast off to 2009!
Now, Star Wars has been popular ever since it first came out all the way back in theaters back in 1977. During the decades that followed, a number of Star Wars games were made for various systems, ranging from flight simulators to fully fledged first person shooters. It would, however, take until 2009 for a true Star Wars action-adventure game to be released. This game, dear friends, was Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. This game put us in the Force-filled shoes of a guy called Starkiller and sets us free in a world where hacking and slashing your enemies into a pulp is the only way to survive! Well, I say "the only way" but that's not, technically speaking, entirely true, is it now? You see, you can also use various force powers to decimate enemy forces.
But let's start at the beginning; In the time somewhere between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope, Darth Vader is stirring up all sorts of trouble on the Wookiee home world, Kashyyyk. Yes, technically, he was sent by Emperor Palpatine, but you can just tell that the black-masked bastard is enjoying himself while he hunts for a certain Jedi that goes by the name of Kento Marek and kills Wookiee fighters by the dozens along the way. At the end of his search, he walks away with more than he originally bargained for. You see, after murdering Kento Marek, he also manages to abduct Marek's son and raise him as his apprentice. Years later, this boy has grown into a young man who Vader has dubbed Starkiller and performs various murderous tasks for his master, which mainly have to do with scouring the universe in search of hiding Jedi and killing them.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed features awesome hack-'n-slash combat, intertwined with cool Force powers to level the playing field a bit. It's truly fun to be happily hacking away at an enemy and then using the Force to throw heavy or even explosive objects at other oncoming enemies. The addition of Force powers is what makes this game stand out from the crowd. Being able to play the game this way just makes you feel that much more powerful than it would without them! But your powers are not exclusively used to defeat enemies! You must also use them to forge yourself a path ahead when it is blocked by various objects. Every once in a while, you will come across such environmental conundrums and will have to solve them by using the Force. These "puzzles" are in no way really challenging, but they do help in immersing you in the world of Star Wars and Force powers so, in that respect, they are a valuable addition to the game!
Visually, this game looked awesome back in the day. Large and beautiful set pieces and cool characters made the game into a feast for the eyes. The story and the narration gave the game its depth while the action-oriented gameplay made for a truly enjoyable experience. The game itself isn't overly long, but every minute is filled with cool lightsaber and Force wielding action. The Force Unleashed was lauded when it was released and even spawned a sequel, which was released a year later, which used basically the same basic concept, but looked and played even better!
And with that, our time together has come to an end for today. Luckily, rest has once again returned to our Big Red HQ, now that that horrible, horrible man has finally gone! Time for us to get ready for another party. Dennis, crank up the volume and hook up the beer tap; let's get this fiesta underway! To you, ladies and gentlemen, I say goodbye and I hope to see you all again when Dennis will take the wheel of our Big Red Timemachine in two weeks' time! Oh damn, they're playing my song! I really have to go now. Sing along if you know the words!
** starts singing terribly off-key:
One morning in June
some twenty years ago
I was born a rich man's son
I had everything that money could buy,
but freedom I had none.
Oh man, this has to be the best song ever!!!***
STAR WARS: THE FORCE UNLEASHED