By Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers on April 16, 2016
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls; time travelers of all ages. We are going to once again blast off towards the ages of old. You might remember that the last time a time travel report came your way it was written by an intruder. Or, at least, that's what Sadhonker and I first thought. Since then, I tried to review the situation by checking out the security camera footage that should have been made that night. Unfortunately, this was when I found out that the security monitors we have were actually just cardboard boxes with some markings drawn on them.... as you can imagine, this was of no use whatsoever!
However, when installing the new quantumcomputer I have also installed some new biometric sensors and radar systems which are able to give us a full 3D model of the place. This model can show us exactly where someone is at any given time, even if someone is hiding in the broom closet... which reminds me, I still have to find out what Sadhonker is doing in there for hours and hours of each day.
Anyway, after reviewing that footage it does seem that we in fact brought the "intruder" in here with us one late night and according to the biometric data we were, as the scientists would say, "shitfaced like a Glorbesmorg". Although I was unaware what a "Glorbesmorg" was when the scientist told me, upon reviewing the data they brought me, I would say they would be spot on. Another thing I discovered after researching our biometric data was that, seemingly, after we brought Raymond "Mighty Pirate" Dumee with us last time and showed him around a bit, Sadhonker and I collapsed in unison, giving Raymond free reign in our lovely HQ. The next morning he ran away without us being able to wipe his memory and bringing him back to earth afterwards. But, on the bright side, Sadhonker and I are, since that moment, having a good laugh seeing Raymond trying to get back home while running around the Big Red HQ's stupendously huge and labyrinthine front lawn.
All fun and games aside though, the time has come to set off once again and I have decide to go to the year of 1995, a year of good beer, pleasantly-shaped ladies and, most important in this case, big and badass motorbikes! Yes my friends, this time we will be going back to the time Lucasarts unleashed the full fury of a game called: Full Throttle.
Full throttle is a point-n-click game, set in 2040, and centers around a biker gang called the Polecats and, more specifically, its captain: Ben. In this grim future, more and more vehicles are being made with anti-gravitational properties. Our protagonist, however, is really old-school and prefers his transportation on two wheels. While riding around on their supercharged hogs, the Polecats encounter a limousine that is driving in the middle of the road. The rest of the Polecats just drive around it, but Ben decides to use the limo as a ramp and drives right over it. Inside the limousine, a scene is taking place in which the CEO of Corley Motors, Malcolm Corley, and his Vice President Adrian Ripburger are having a heated conversation. Malcolm is pretty sure that Adrian is plotting to take over the company. Ripburger has come up with the idea to hire a biker gang to escort them to the shareholders meeting which they are currently en route to. After the somewhat unconventional introduction to the Polecats, Malcolm gets truly excited and orders the driver to follow the Polecats.
In the meantime, Ben and his polecats have ridden up to a bar called the kickstand. It is here that Ben formally meets Malcolm and he quickly denies the CEO's request to ride with them. In doing so, he ticks off Ripburger, who orders his minions to take care of the situation. Ben gets hit over the head and wakes up in a dumpster sometime later. He quickly realizes that his gang has been duped into riding with the limo anyway. He quickly jumps on his bike and starts his pursuit, unaware of the fact that his bike has been sabotaged. Soon after hitting the road, his bike goes up in flames like a meteor cruising along the highway.
As you can read my friends, Adrian Ripburger is willing to go to any lengths in order to get what he wants. Our friend Ben is now absolutely determined to get even with him so that his nefarious schemes are ground to a halt. However, his bike is in shambles and the local mechanic is short on parts, which means we'll have to get those parts for her so that she can repair our bike and maybe even add some sweet, sweet upgrades to it.
Full throttle is a point and click adventure which will take you from the towering heights of water towers to the badass dog guarded car junkyards in order to fix your bike. When you finally get your bike fixed, you will engage in some sweet action while getting into battles with rivaling biker gangs on your way to wherever it is your own gang is residing at the moment. Even for me, who is not a big fan of point and click adventures, this game was not put aside until I finished it, because the story is just too compelling. And, even better, Double Fine is making a remaster of this game with better graphics and an improved control scheme. We will not have to wait long for the remaster either; it is launching april 18th 2017!
Woah woah woah, allright I had some strange travels to the past before but since when do we accumulate data on new releases when we are in the past... I have to start analyzing this da. *loud boom in one of the warehouses of Big red HQ* What the..... guys I have to leave. Something is wrong here! It sounds like explosions just went off, and now the lights are flickering. See you soon my friends; I am going to check if Sadhonker is okay!