By Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers on June 19, 2019
Hmmm, something seems to be changing... It feels kinda off. I can't put my finger on it but, to stay in-theme with the last Big Red Timemachine voyage you guys took: "There is a disturbance in the force". This will need investigating. Not right now, however, because there are far more important matters to deal with at this time. Apparently, Sadhonker really has a knack for inviting people to our headquarters that either have no chill and sabotage all party's or people that are actually a blast at party's but, subsequently, won't leave us be and return home... Yes, I am talking about you, Mr. Hasselhoff!
What's that your holding, Dave? A burger? Oh my god, didn't you learn anything from your little mishap a couple years ago? You know, that video that went viral faster than KITT could go into Super Pursuit Mode. NO??? Dude, your own daughter filmed you being drunk as all heck, trying to consume what was later identified as a cheeseburger... Still nothing? Oh well, I give up!
And anyway, I have no time for this right now. All this stuff already delayed me by a week and another delay will just not fly. It does seem that working at this here establishment does get harder by the day. SADHONKER!!!! Take care of the Hoff will you? I can't be bothered anymore! I don't care what you do with him, just get rid of him before I get back!!! Now, dear readers, it's about time for us to take another trip down memory lane and visit a time period that, instead of consisting of drunk celebrities, revolved around spies, guns, ladies and Bond.... James Bond.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen; this week we will be traveling all the way back to the year 1997. It was during this year the famed developer Rare Ltd released a game called Goldeneye 007 on the N64. And boy oh boy, what a game it was; especially since it's still widely considered as the very best James Bond Video game out there which, in itself, is quite a feat, since this game is part of a list of no less than 25 video game titles, many of which were released after this one was.
As is to be expected from both my explanation and the title of this game, we don the impeccably tailored suit of MI6 agent 007 and try to walk a mile (or more) in his shoes, all the while looking through his eyes and using the many gadgets that are carefully designed by "Q". However, it is more than likely (knowing ourselves Mr. Bond) that these gadgets aren't exactly going to be used as their creator intended. Oh well, one mustn't worry too much about such trivialities. Back to the game at hand!
Goldeneye consisted of both a single player Campaign and a fully-fledged multiplayer mode. As is to be expected, since we are considered to be a spy of some repute, stealth is a very important part of this game, especially during the campaign. Using weapons or gadgets too close to guards or too often will alert your enemies and raise the alarm. Now, in some cases this immediately fails the mission ,but in other cases this will make it significantly harder to complete the mission we are on, seeing as how a raised alarm in most levels will cause the game to spawn an infinite amount of enemies, every last one of which seems to be intent on standing between us and the ladies the mission objective.
Andtrust me when I say that this game has plenty of missions! The campaign consists of a total of 20 missions, all of which can be played on any of the three difficulty settings: "Agent", "Secret Agent" and "00-Agent". These difficulty change multiple factors in the game, ranging from giving your enemies more health, to less ammunition being available for your guns, to even adding additional objectives to a mission for you to complete. A fourth difficulty mode, called "007", can be unlocked by completing all the missions on 00-Agent difficulty. This mode offered the player more freedom when it came to setting parameters before entering a mission. One could set it up to be the most challenging mission ever, or as a fun but thoroughly non-dangerous way to spend some time. As is the case for most, if not all, Bond movies and games, our missions take us to some of the more exotic places around this green Earth of ours, which is awesome! I mean, who doesn't like trips to, for instance, a frigate in Monte Carlo or having a nice stroll around Saint Petersburg? And let's not forget making your way through a luscious jungle in Cuba!
Like alluded to before, the game does not only feature a single player mode, it also features a multiplayer mode. Sadly, this mode doesn't allow us to get together with some friends and play the campaign cooperatively, but hey; you can't win 'em all. What you can actually do, is go head to head in any of the five deathmatch-style game modes with up to four players in split screen on the same console, which is actually pretty cool!
For now, however, I'm really pining to return home and see how Sadhonker is getting on. Let's head back to the present and see if and how Mr. Honker dealt with his latest new found friend. Ah, there we are. Yo, Sadhonker!!! Where is The Hoff? Ah nice, you got rid of him? And may I ask how you managed to get him to leave? You what?!?! HAHAHAHA! You used his own car's ejector seat to launch him up in the air? Well, that might actually be the best idea ever! ... What do you mean: "The execution was a bit lacking"'? You what?! You forgot to open the roof first? Oh lord! Well, that must have been quite the bit of a mess. Oh well, who cares; at least we got rid of him. Now, for future reference, please don't invite him again!
Oh, by the way Sadhonker, I don't know if it's just me, but something feels off about the Big Red HQ lately. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, now would you? What do you mean with "You have something in the works"? You know what; never mind. I just realized that I can't be bothered right now. After finally getting rid of a string of unwanted guests, I really just need a quiet drink. And somehow, instead of beer, I really feel in the mood for an 18-year old Macallen. So, for now dear readers, stay safe and I hope we will meet each other again soon.
RARE & NINTENDO