BIG RED HOLIDAY GREETINGS
By Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers on December 16, 2019
Hello there, dear readers!
That time of year has come once again; the time during which our families expect us to actually spend time with them instead of messing about with space/time and all that jazz we usually do on a daily basis. Now, lovely as it may be to spend some time with the girls at home, it does mean the shutters on our HQ will go down for the next couple of weeks.
And this year I think there is something to be proud of! While we have had some difficulties over the past year with keeping our HQ in functioning shape I believe this is the first year's end in a while where we aren't in need of a new HQ over the upcoming period because our old one blew up. And, since Sadhonker has been busy collecting all kinds of beers from past present and future we can use that time instead to have a proper beer tasting. I do think, however, that 50 cases per person might not be enough, so we should probably plan some resupply runs every now and then.
Nevertheless, what a wonderful year filled with adventures we had, all of which can be reviewed in the following Big Red Timemachine posts:
|Rayman||Grand Theft Auto||Halo Wars|
|Half-Life||Rage||Broken Sword II: The Smoking Mirror|
|S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadows of Chernobyl||Battlefield: Bad Company||Gran Turismo|
|Cold Fear||Rise of the Triad||Space Quest|
|E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial||Mortal Kombat||Metal Gear|
|The House of the Dead 2||Dead Space||Hitman: Codename 47|
|Borderlands||Dune 2: Battle for Arrakis|
|Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse||Doom 3|
Ah yes; what precious times we had this year, didn't we Sadhonker? ...Sadhonker????
And apparently, he is gone again, doing whatever a Sadhonker does when he is out of the people's field of view. I am wonderin though, if he ever found out that his newfound love and her wicked stepsister won't be returning, as I have told him the TimePod was in slightly non-functioning order. Now, truth be told, it is malfunctioning a little more than "slightly", so their situation is actually way more dire then I dared to unveil to my colleague at that moment. The thing is, dear readers, at the moment they used that timepod they didn't get whisked away to some year in the past and nor did they get sent to the future; Due to some experiment I was running at the time, they were sent to a limbo like state from which no escape is possible and thus, both of them will never be seen or heard from ever again. This, incidentally, is perfectly fine by me. Good riddance, I say!
Now onto more pressing matters, I have to set up the programming for the fireworks display I have planned as a surprise for my dear friend Sadhonker. I already purchased about a nation's supply worth of fireworks and if I am not mistaking they where delivered earlier this afternoon, I think I saw the FedEx delivery note on the table here somewhere.
Hold on, who signed off on this delivery? Oh no; I think I just found out what is keeping Sadhonker busy. Yep, that's his John Hanckock. He accepted the fireworks delivery and both him and the fireworks are nowhere to be found. I really need to go look for him. I know; let's see if the HQ's computers know where he is.
*Sadhonker found in Subsection Q Elevator Level B21. Warning high levels of gunpowder detected in his vicinity*
OH NO! I have to stop him before he does something stu. **loud rumbling noise from deep under the floor**
*Overheating detected in Subsection Q Level -42, Temperature's rising to 3400 degrees centigrade, critical temperatures will be reached in T-minus 60 seconds*
Yep there we go; right on cue. Damn! That elevator is not going fast enough to save him from any potential blasts. Computer! Activate Escape Procedure Zeta Protocol Zylon.
*Subsection Q elevator accelerating to escape velocity speeds. Dispensing space survival gear*
Well, that should at least keep him safe for now. Well dear readers, it's time for me to leave. But don't worry and don't cry; I will see you in the new year which will be once again filled with thrilling adventures and awesome game. And, oh yes; we'll need to find a new HQ ater all, seeing as how Sadhonker apparently couldn't keep to himself and had to start playing with dangerous materials once again.
Readers, please learn from this, fireworks are not toys and should only be handled by professionals. When there are no professionals to be found, then at least keep in mind the safety precautions on the packaging. Trust me when I say that reading will be a whole lot harder with one or two missing eyes.
So, this is me, your friend Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers, signing off and wishing you all the best. I'm sure my colleague Sadhonker would also wish you the same, were he not hurtling towards Jupiter at a tremendous speed right now. Oh well, it can't be helped, I suppose. In any case; enjoy the holidays, have an awesome new years and be safe!
BIG RED HOLIDAY GREETINGS