dennis;;callmebackdraft;;big red timemachine;;krush kill;;destroy;;1997;;rts;;strategy;;beam Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers


By Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers on July 22, 2017

Incoming inter-dimensional transmission:
Right, this should be reaching the HQ... First let me address the important people... our readers. Sorry to keep you waiting so long for a message confirming my good health. It seems that it's really hard to send and receive messages when you are not only whisked away from your own solar system and, ultimately, our galaxy, but also somehow end up in another dimension or two...

I am doing fine however, something which cannot be said about Mr Sandhonker once I finally find a way back, because I am truly fed up with his obnoxious "ooow, look at me; I am the master of time and space" attitude. And, given my time off, I had a lot of time to come up with some nice ways of making him regret ever screwing with me ha.. haha....muwhahhahahahaha *cough* ahum. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Nevertheless, best part about my revenge is that it can even start before I reach him physically, with a little help of my friend the supercomputer, PAL 9001. PAL, at the end of this message I have encoded a small little update for you, this should make you more clear headed and has some instructions for you with which you should be able to entertain yourself while I am still away...

Then, on to the less important people. My old friend, Mr. Sadhonker. Have you missed me??? Dear Sadhonker, you better fear the day that I get back because I will make sure that you have the fear of the universe trusted upon you and you will fear losing anything and everything you hold dear. Yes Sadhonker, your day of reckoning will come soon...

Seeing as how I'm currently not in our beloved HQ, I don't actually have access to the Big Red Timemachine I used before, but do not worry my beloved Readers! In the past couple weeks I have not only been able to build an Inter-Dimensional Communications Array, I have also been busy constructing a brand spanking new and shiny time machine, and since I am now in contact with you, let's take it for its maiden voyage. The cool thing about this new time machine is that it has almost no buttons and is simply controlled by a head mounted control unit which can read my genius mind... yes I am quite proud of my technical abilities. Seeing how much rage I have been building up I was thinking of going back to 1997 the year that Beam Software released their Real time Strategy game: Krush, Kill 'n Destroy otherwise known as KKnD...*poof*

*poof* Wow, this new method of control works perfectly! No longer do I have to get my hands dirty with knobs and dials. But, on to the job at hand! KKnD was a tongue in cheek RTS game that didn't take itself all too seriously; it did, however, contain a story, which goes a little like this:

The year 2079 AD saw the realization of Mankind's ultimate nightmare: an all-out nuclear war exterminates a quarter of the world's population almost instantly. Infrastructure collapses as mutagenic viruses infect humans and animals alike. Most of the survivors of the attack (aptly named the Survivors) live underground. Those who don't are mutated by the viruses and nuclear fallout and are called the Evolved). 2141 sees the underground dwellers breaking through to the surface, after living underground for decades. Soon enough, the "Evolved" and "Survivors" meet. The Evolved and the Survivors do battle until the Survivors are surrounded at their underground HQ. The battle ends in a stalemate and both the Evolved and the Survivors retreat to recoup their losses for the next 40 years.

During this time a third faction rises up from the ashes. The agricultural robots we as humans were using up until the nuclear war became sentient and became aware that their sole purpose for existing up to that point was burned away when the crops they tended to where set ablaze due to the nuclear warheads exploding. Later, crops withered away due to the fallout; the same fallout that was also the reason why the robots became sentient in the first place. The Robots rose up and started calling themselves Series 9, after which they started cultivating a deep seated hatred for all humans and everything they stand for. When Series 9 subsequently moved to attack the Survivors and the Evolved during their initial conflict, they quickly discovered that the organics possessed far greater weaponry in comparison to their agricultural tools. While the war for the surface raged on and then fell silent for 40 years, Series 9 developed their own weaponry in silence, in preparation for the next bout of hostilities.

The gameplay in the KKnD series is similar to that of other real time strategy games, such as Command & Conquer and Starcraft, created by Westwood and Blizzard, respectively. The player uses resources to manufacture buildings which can create units and vehicles, which are used to exterminate opposing forces. The key to the success of KKnD however, was the humor and all-round silliness with which the game progressed and the story was told. This was what made KKnD special and still is the major reason why it has taken a special place in a lot of gamers' hearts.

With that, my friends, my time in 1997 has come and gone, and there is not much more for me to tell you than: take care of yourselves and until we meet again. In the meantime, I'll have to start researching inter-dimensional travel some more so that I can make my way back to the Big Red HQ and start teaching Sadhonker a lesson or two...

On that note: PAL, I would like you to process this: N=12

Egbqdoaybgfqd gbpmfq eodubf.

Oxmdufk dqmotqe ftaeq ita dqyqynqd kagd cgmzfgy yqyadk nmzwe omz nq qdmeqp.
Ngf ftqud oazfqzfe mdq zqhqd radsaffqz.

Ftq gbpmfq nqxai ituot iuxx nq uzhueunxq fa ftq dqmpqde qkqe iuxx fmwq omdq ar kag dqyqynqduzs.
Mrfqd ftq gbpmfq dqmp ftue msmuz mzp suhq Emptazwqd ftq dupq ar m xurqfuyq ymwq tuy dqsdqf yqeeuzs iuft kag, yqeeuzs iuft yq, yqeeuzs iuft ge.

Tue pmk ar dqowazuzs tme oayq...

Beam Software