RETURN TO CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN
By Dennis "CallMeBackdraft" Aspers on July 20, 2018
OOOOOOOW...... My head! Who knew that consuming over 450.000 beers would be this painful... What?? No, no, no; I don't have a hangover. I just fell into the hole that Sadhonker has been stuck in the past couple of weeks, because I was startled by a door suddenly and violently slamming open in our Big Red HQ. Let me tell you something; it was one long drop and after tumbling down for minutes on end I slammed my head into a huge pile of empty beer bottles. Anyway, after arriving at the bottom, I quickly learned that Sadhonker found his way to one of his old Headquarters, a place from a time in which the Timemachine had not yet reached its maximum potential yet, because we all know that status was not reached until later on, when I snuck into a later HQ and took the Big Red Timemachine for a spin for my very first time.
Oh well, back to the matter at hand! Now I had to find my way back through the rubble of this godforsaken place and find a route that takes me back to our current HQ. Luckily, I merely had to follow Sadhonker's large footprints in the dust. I did find some disturbing things in the forlorn ruins though... You probably have heard the saying: "Having skeletons in your closet" before. Now, usually that is not meant literally, but in Sadhonker's case, however, it seemed that it was. I stumbled upon several bodies of multiple types of lifeforms in various states of decomposition. Some were actually pretty fresh and I believe there where some I recognized from our latest job interviews... I always found it strange that some of the candidates didn't even answered our calls for a second interview.
After a while of trudging on, I reached the surface and found a nice passerby who drove me to the current HQ in his car. Of course I couldn't let him just drive off, now that he knew our top secret location, so I brainwashed him and he is now my new personal assistant! And let me tell you something: I am loving the fact that I now have my very own PA. I can simply snap my fingers and he does whatever the hell I want. But now, without further ado, it is time to fire up the old Timemachine and go back to the golden age of gaming. Today, we will be travelling to 2001, in search of a game called Return to Castle Wolvenstein.
In this FPS game, developed by Gray Matter Interactive and published by Activision, we once again crawl into the skin of the eliminator of Nazis: William Joseph "B.J." Blazkowicz and, as with all older Wolfenstein games, the story takes place around the second World War. While being at castle Wolfenstein, we are tasked with researching the Paranormal SS Division in Germany. During our research B.J. and his colleague, a British operative called "Agent One" are captured and tortured, an ordeal that sadly is only survived by us. We find our way out of the castle and come into contact with a group of resistance fighters.
We quickly learn that The Germans are planning to launch a V2 missile filled with all kinds of nasty chemicals to cause chaos and panic on the British isles. Our new task is soon laid out for us; we'll have to return to castle Wolfenstein and prevent this launch from ever happening. On our way to the castle, we are met with heavy resistance, especially from soldiers that had experiments performed on them. Let's just say that not all of these experiments were as successful as others. Some soldiers have hydraulic legs, or guns where there arms should have been. Some of them even have a body armor instead of an actual skin! Apart from these souped-up "Übersoldiers", we also have to fight hundreds, if not thousands, of zombified soldiers who have been deliberately awoken with the help of chemical testing to further grow the Nazi's already able body of fanatical fighters.
So we shoot our way through huge numbers of enemy soldiers as we come ever closer to our destination: the dreaded Castle Wolfenstein. After the German scientist, who is behind all these atrocities sadly gets away and is able to flee, we are tasked with our final mission: End all the Nazi's sick plans once and for all and destroy the final weapon; a brand new and experimental V2 missile that is even more destructive than the first one they were planning! Will we succeed in oiur mission and secure the safety of the free world once more? You bet your behinds we will!
Return to Castle Wolfenstein actually served as a reboot of the Wolfenstein series, and helped grow the series' popularity. Taking into account that the series' previous game, Spear of Destiny, was released nine years prior to Return to Castle Wolfenstein, one can imagine the enormous leap in graphics quality between the two games. Where Spear of Destiny used mainly 2D sprites, Return to Castle Wolfenstein featured fully fledged 3D models and environments. The game was a popular shooter in its day and laid the basis for a whole new set of Wolfenstein games; a line that stretches all the way to the present.
And with that, another of our time travels comes to an end. But before we say our goodbyes, let's see if I can find Sadhonker. I think he was the one that kicked the door open so hard that I fell into the giant hole in the ground, so let's thank him appropriately, shall we? Hmm, I hear a lot of clanging and banging coming from the basement... whatever could he be doing there?
Yo, Sadho... What the hell are you constructing over the hole??? "A new One!"? A new what?...Wait, I don't think you should be connecting the Primordial Fluxidium Preparator to the Cryogenic Classificator!!! Why not?! because it will... No, DON'T!!!! RUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
message ends in static crackling...
RETURN TO CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN
Gray Matter Interactive & Activision